It took me an embarrassingly long time to really grasp the concept of privilege. I think that positions me well to help explain it to other folks who struggle to feel like they have privilege. An interesting thing about privilege is that it varies depending on where you are, what you're doing, and that since we all hold multiple identities, it is possible to have some identities that hold a lot of privilege, and others might be more marginalized.

Recently, within the HAES community, Lindo Bacon (author of "Health at Every Size", but not the original developer of the concept of health at every size) has been called out for engaging in tokenizing and other shitty behaviors all rooted in white supremacist culture. I'm not going to attempt to summarize the concerns, but will instead link you directly to the accounts shared by Marquisele Mercedes, Veronica from ASDAH, and Lindley Ashline. It's quite a bit of reading, but I think it is important. 

I said at the start that I didn't understand privilege for a long time. I'm a white person who grew up pretty poor and I had to struggle a lot to get myself to a better place. To tell me that I had privilege as I was working my ass off through college felt like a slap in the face. What I didn't understand was that saying I had privilege didn't mean that I wasn't working hard to overcome a lot of shit. It just meant that I didn't also have to overcome the obstacles of racism, religious intolerance, or anti LGBTQ bias (not an exhaustive list, just a few of the top hitters).

I currently sit at a place where I have some pretty privileged identities: white, cishet, middle class. And some that are a bit more muddy: I describe myself as smallfat, a term often used to describe people who are at the lower end of "plus size". As a smallfat person, the amount of privilege my body has varies quite a bit depending on the circumstances. I can generally fit into standard size seating, and I also encounter fat stigma in healthcare. I do not frequently experience antifat street harassment, and I also have been treated really shittily in fitness jobs because of my body. I share this to illustrate the way that privilege can vary, and that it's not a thing that you either have or do not have. Most of us move through some experiences where we are privileged, and others where we're treated like crap because of our identity.

I grew up around some pretty racist family members, and some who were trying to be better -- I'll likely share more on this in the near future... I haven't because (I told myself) I didn't want to center myself, but I'm coming to realize that maybe I was actually just ashamed. Anyway, I've made fumbling, error-filled steps towards being actively anti-racist and more broadly body liberationist, and accepting that I do benefit from privilege. Since our nation's 2020 wake-up call, I have taken a lot of steps to move further towards being actively anti-racist. I have not been publicly sharing these actions, because I didn't want it to be something I did for display. I wanted to engage in behaviors that might not be of particular personal benefit to myself, but were useful to BIPOC communities. A few of the things that I did were to intentionally seek out and support Black owned businesses. I also sought training from Black experts (some specifically on DEI related issues, but I also got some training about stuff nothing to do with race). 

After seeing the ways in which Lindo Bacon's behavior has been harmful, I plan to expand my body liberation library. It has never sat right with me that some of the primary texts I recommend to people interested in HAES or intuitive eating are authored by thin white or white passing people. I definitely need to seek out more resources written by fat and/or BIPOC people. I'm also seeking some professional consultation to help me better present information in a way that isn't harmful to marginalized people. I have also signed up for an ASDAH membership, and if you're interested in HAES, I encourage you to do the same. They offer sliding scale and equity based membership options, so you might find it more affordable than you expect.

Returning to the subject of Lindo Bacon, I really wish they would respond to the concerns being raised. Being called out doesn't feel great, but it's an opportunity to self assess and do better. When we think of it as an opportunity rather than just having a knee jerk "I'm being cancelled" kind of freak out, we can really dig in and find ways to actually make the world better.

So you've started on a body positive fitness journey, and you're setting goals that aren't related to shrinking yourself! Congratu-freaking-lations! That is heckin rad, and I'm super proud of you. It's hard as hell to break out of the mainstream fitness and diet culture that pushes you to endlessly try to shrink. Now that you've started moving your body and are trying to make it about feeling good, it might be hard to figure out how to set goals. Here's a few ideas to get you started.

1. Consider setting a frequency goal. This can look a lot of different ways. Maybe your goal is to attend a specific class every week, or walk 3 days a week, or to get up from your desk three times a day. There are many options. I had a student in an indoor cycling class I teach (shoutout to Upcycle!) set a goal recently to do back-to-back classes every Sunday morning. I love this as a frequency goal!
2. Set a skill based goal. Maybe there is something you'd like to learn to do, or work towards doing. It can be anything, a high plank, a headstand, a front squat, a push-up. Skill based goals are fun for me as a personal trainer because I can look at all the various components that go into that particular skill and figure out ways to work towards it. So we might work on specific mobility, or building strength in a particular part of your body, and gradually build up towards that skill.
3. Set an endurance goal. Maybe you want to work up to being able to finish a 4 mile hike, or run for a mile without walking, or maybe you want to do a full dance class. There are a lot of ways to work up to an endurance goal like that, and this is a cool way to mark progress without focusing on body weight or aesthetic changes.
4. Set a strength goal. This one might be my personal fave. I love working to see increases in my lifts. You can work to increasing a one rep max, or work to being able to do more reps with a weight lower than your max. I have clients who work on strength goals without specifically focusing on powerlifting style one rep maxes.

Once you remove body weight changes from your fitness equation, it might seem hard to set fitness goals, but being able to focus on these types of goals can be very liberating, and can help you structure your movement sessions in a way that helps you progress towards those goals. Of course, there is no requirement to have specific goals. Our culture is a bit obsessed with achievement and sometimes, that achievement obsession can distract from doing a thing just to do it. It's completely fine to move your body without having any particular goals for outcomes.

In my early 20s, I was in therapy with a phenomenal therapist who helped me work through a lot of family issues and trauma. I was also struggling with some body image issues. She was an older woman who was fat (this is relevant information to the story). One day in session, I was ranting kind of tearing my body apart, how much I hated it, hated my belly, thought I was fat. She interrupted my body disparaging spiral to tell me that it was pointless to just endlessly rip my body apart, and I either had to work to accept it, or make a choice to do something about it.

I was sort of stunned into silence, and I remember feeling a bit annoyed, like this was my session and if I wanted to use it to bash my body, that she should have some better solution for me other than accept my body or decide to change it.

In hindsight, I really respect her for setting that boundary. It was unfair of me to use a fat woman as the sounding board for my boundless body loathing, whether she was paid for that role or not. I've recently heard Aubrey Gordan (@yrfatfriend on Instagram, cohost of the Maintenance Phase podcast, and author of "What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat") talk on Maintenance Phase about this phenomenon -- thin/smaller bodied people using fat people as a sounding board to resolve their body image issues. It is a weird but common phenomenon, and surely not fair to do to fat people.

I share this to let you know a few things: growth happens. Nobody is perfect, and we all can (and should!) grow and evolve. The other thing I want all of us to learn from this is that you don't need to be the punching bag for someone else's body image issues. It it totally fine to set a boundary that we aren't just going to sit here and listen to a person tear their body apart. Even if you're being paid to be there. There isn't usually really a point to just scorning the shit out of your own body, so if someone comes to you trying to do that, it's okay to say, hey friend, we're not doing that today.

I talk about HAES-aligned fitness as a service I provide, but in a conversation with someone who had been looking at my site, they asked, "What is H-A-E-S?" So first, the simple answers! HAES (usually pronounced like haze) stands for Health At Every Size. Please note, it is HEALTH at every size, not healthY at every size. It is an important distinction!

​HAES comes from the book "Health at Every Size" by Lindo (Linda) Bacon. In the book, Dr Bacon summarizes a variety of research to build a case that body weight is less culpable for health issues than has been previously believed. HAES is based on the following principles:

• Weight inclusivity - Respect that bodies are meant to be different sizes and shapes without pathologizing or idealizing certain bodies.
• Respectful care - Work to end anti-fat bias, especially in healthcare, and address other social determinants of health.
• Health enhancement - Improve access to healthcare, as well as increasing access to services that improve health at the individual level.
• Eating for well-being - Eat in a flexible way that is responsive to hunger & satiety cues, nutritional needs, culture and pleasure.
• Life-enhancing movement - Engage in physical activity that enhances your life.

In her book, Dr Bacon describes research they conducted that supports this approach over weight focused approaches to improve overall health, including specific biometric markers of health.  The recommendations that come from HAES are simple, common-sense, and sustainable behavioral changes, and also address some of the systemic issues that clearly impact health.

So what does it mean to be a HAES-aligned personal trainer? As a personal trainer, my goal is to help my clients get into a sustainable movement routine. So let's break that down a bit: I want you moving your body in a way that you can continue to do for a long time. I don't want to kick your ass for a month or two, have you get injured and then drop off. That isn't particularly helpful for your long-term health or wellbeing. I want you to have a movement routine. You get the most benefit from moving your body on a regular basis. Working out to the point of puking once a month isn't going to have that much impact on your long-term health. What is better is to engage in some type of movement a couple of times a week, and find something you can stick with.

As a HAES-aligned fitness provider, I don't weigh my clients. I don't do before-and-after pics. I don't have you measure your body. Of course, it is your body, and you can do whatever you want with it, but I'm not going to suggest that you do any of those things. My focus isn't on making there be less of you! My focus is on a sustainable fitness program that helps you feel stronger, more energetic, and improves your overall health.

If you want to learn more, I definitely recommend checking out the book, "Health at Every Size." If you've read it already, leave me a comment and tell me what you thought about it!