No, that isn't a typo. I mean "but" not "butt."

Think about some things that you tell yourself or say about yourself that include the word "but". I'll start. I really want to qualify for USPA Nationals but I can't get a qualifying total. Do you have your "but" statement?

Great. Now, let's repeat it, replacing "but" with "and". I really want to qualify for USPA Nationals and I haven't got a qualifying total. This way of thinking is called dialectical thinking. It is the concept of holding two ideas that seem to be at odds with each other at the same time. It can be really uncomfortable because our minds love things that are really neat and tidy, and dialectical thinking can be a bit more messy. However, thinking dialectically can be a powerful way to be less judgmental towards yourself and others. It also can be the impetus for a profound shift from having a lot of limiting beliefs (the part that comes after the word "but") to allowing yourself space for change and growth.

When we use the word "but", it often has the feeling of cancelling whatever was said before it. Think about when someone apologized to you, and then throws in the word "but" in the middle. It has that feeling of "you didn't even mean that at all."

This kind of thinking is a cornerstone of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), and we can incorporate it into our everyday life by just noticing those times when we're talking to or about ourselves with a lot of "buts". If you notice that happening, experiment with replacing the word but with and.

An important note that if your statement includes something that is a judgment rather than a fact, it won't really work. Consider the following statement: I want to get this work done but I'm a lazy asshole. Swapping "but" to "and" just isn't going to cut it here. You'll need to revise the statement until it is something that is closer to a fact and less of a judgment. Maybe the fact is that I haven't done as much as I'd like, so the revision could be: I want to get this work done and I haven't done as much as I'd like.

There are many ways to use this kind of thinking in your fitness and intuitive eating journey. If you're struggling with judging yourself for your current behaviors, how might you use "and" thinking to reframe some of those judgments? Do those reframed thoughts feel different when you say them aloud to yourself?

So you've started on a body positive fitness journey, and you're setting goals that aren't related to shrinking yourself! Congratu-freaking-lations! That is heckin rad, and I'm super proud of you. It's hard as hell to break out of the mainstream fitness and diet culture that pushes you to endlessly try to shrink. Now that you've started moving your body and are trying to make it about feeling good, it might be hard to figure out how to set goals. Here's a few ideas to get you started.

1. Consider setting a frequency goal. This can look a lot of different ways. Maybe your goal is to attend a specific class every week, or walk 3 days a week, or to get up from your desk three times a day. There are many options. I had a student in an indoor cycling class I teach (shoutout to Upcycle!) set a goal recently to do back-to-back classes every Sunday morning. I love this as a frequency goal!
2. Set a skill based goal. Maybe there is something you'd like to learn to do, or work towards doing. It can be anything, a high plank, a headstand, a front squat, a push-up. Skill based goals are fun for me as a personal trainer because I can look at all the various components that go into that particular skill and figure out ways to work towards it. So we might work on specific mobility, or building strength in a particular part of your body, and gradually build up towards that skill.
3. Set an endurance goal. Maybe you want to work up to being able to finish a 4 mile hike, or run for a mile without walking, or maybe you want to do a full dance class. There are a lot of ways to work up to an endurance goal like that, and this is a cool way to mark progress without focusing on body weight or aesthetic changes.
4. Set a strength goal. This one might be my personal fave. I love working to see increases in my lifts. You can work to increasing a one rep max, or work to being able to do more reps with a weight lower than your max. I have clients who work on strength goals without specifically focusing on powerlifting style one rep maxes.

Once you remove body weight changes from your fitness equation, it might seem hard to set fitness goals, but being able to focus on these types of goals can be very liberating, and can help you structure your movement sessions in a way that helps you progress towards those goals. Of course, there is no requirement to have specific goals. Our culture is a bit obsessed with achievement and sometimes, that achievement obsession can distract from doing a thing just to do it. It's completely fine to move your body without having any particular goals for outcomes.

Subtitle: Do I overthink shit? Yes, yes I do.

I'm currently training for a powerlifting meet, and I've been noticing my legs and shoulders getting more muscular and defined, and liking the change. It got me to thinking, can you be "body neutral" and like changes that come to your body from working out? Like many things, the answer is a bit nuanced, so I answer with a "Yes, AND...."

1. Are you working out only for the body changes? The point of weight neutral fitness isn't to stop focusing on weight only to then focus on some other physical change that you attach your value to. Another way to think about this question is, would you keep doing the movement you're currently doing if you were not getting these body changes?
2. Are you attaching your value or worth or loveability to changes in your appearance? Having muscular legs doesn't make me more loveable, more worthy of respect, a better friend, a better mom, or literally anything else important. It means I have muscular legs. That's it. 
3. Are changes to your appearance triggering diet thinking? Is it making you feel like you need to pursue MORE aesthetic changes, or weight changes? 

A weight neutral fitness journey doesn't have to be always easy. You can challenge your body, and you might even find that you can set different performance oriented goals when you aren't focused just on weight. I think it is perfectly fine to like or enjoy changes that happen to your body as a result of fitness as long as you are not excessively obsessed with the aesthetic changes, and are not linking your value as a person to the aesthetics.

Like I said, maybe this is overthinking. If you think I'm overthinking, that's fine, but I KNOW that some of you are worse overthinkers than I am. I know because I've talked to some of you. When I find myself getting stuck on a weird thought like, "Oh no, is it okay to like how my legs are looking?", I find it helpful to explore it a bit with more questions. All the questions.

Starting a fitness routine can feel daunting, overwhelming, and a bit intimidating. Trying to start a fitness journey outside of mainstream fitness culture can be all of that plus feeling like you're swimming upstream. If you're trying to start working out and want to keep it weight neutral, here are some top tips for getting moving!

1. Fill your feed with diverse athletes and movement. Find some folks on your social media of choice to follow who look like you for athletic inspo. Seeing diverse bodies in motion can provide the best kind of fitspo! It will help you to see what is possible without having to shrink your body.
2. Try different things. One of the great things about the pandemic has been the boom of virtual fitness classes. On any given night, you could do body positive yoga, size inclusive strength training, fat liberation burlesque, weight neutral HIIT, body liberation pilates, and more. It is amazing to be able to try so many different types of movement with practitioners who are HAES-aligned! It can feel overwhelming to have *so* many different choices, but I encourage you, especially early in your journey, to explore what you like. Sometimes, even if you didn't love a particular form of movement when it was brought to you by weight-loss oriented trainers, it may be worth trying again with a body positive trainer.
3. Pace yourself. When you start out trying to get a movement routine going, sometimes people go too hard too fast and end up either exhausted, injured, or both. Sometimes when you start out a new movement routine, it can feel really exciting, and you might go hard right off the bat. It's just important to pay attention to how you feel and give yourself rest days. One of the things that helps me remember not to go overboard is to remember that I'm in this for the long game. I want to be lifting and moving my body for a looooong time. While I might have short term goals, it helps keep things in perspective to remember the long game.
4. Invest in a few key pieces of apparel/equipment. Having good shoes, a good sports bra, and some comfortable (and maybe cute?) workout clothes helps with injury prevention and comfort and motivation in your workouts. You don't need to buy a ton of new shit, but think about what kind of movement you plan to do the most of, and what will be helpful, motivating, and useful for you in your own movement routines. In short, get yourself a few things that are important, but don't feel like you need to have all of the perfect gear just to begin. For example, I did my first (several) triathlon(s) on a pretty crappy old mountain bike. I invested in good running shoes (to prevent injury) and a tri suit (for comfort and style points). You don't need every single thing just to start.
5. If at all possible, seek the services of a body positive fitness professional. Sure, you can do classes at your local globo-gym, but having the support of an ACTUALLY body positive personal trainer will make a huge difference in how supported you feel in your fitness journey. Obviously, as a weight neutral trainer, I am biased, but not only am I the president, I'm also a member! (I hope someone is the right age to remember that ad.) Early in my switch from weight focused fitness to weight neutral movement, I continued working with trainers who were weight-loss focused. I really thought I could just take the good, ignore the weight loss talk, and make it work. In reality, I felt more supported and better able to reach my goals working with a body positive coach. 

There are a million benefits to moving your body regularly that have NOTHING to do with weight, and I hope if you're on a body positive fitness journey that you are aware of those benefits. I commend you for even thinking about embarking on a body positive fitness journey -- a fitness routine is challenging enough, and when you commit to making it weight neutral is really swimming upstream. You got this! Seek support where you need it.

I effing love deadlifts. All kinds of deadlifts -- barbell deadlifts, kettlebell deadlifts, Romanian dumbbell deadlifts, single leg deadlifts... there are so many options! I program some variation of a deadlift for nearly every client I work with, and here's why.

• Deadlifts can help you learn good technique for lifting things in day-to-day life. Learning a good technique for lifting normal objects up can help prevent injury. 
• Deadlifts help build strength throughout your posterior chain, including glutes and hamstrings. Nearly every variation of deadlifts works to strengthen these muscles.
• Deadlifts (when done with good form) help you build a strong lower back that is less prone to pain and injury. It is important that your deadlift is done with good form!
• Deadlifts can help you build a strong grip. Do you love opening your own jars? Seriously, though, grip strength is important to many daily activities (carrying groceries, laundry baskets) and can decrease with aging.
• Finally, most women can build a lot of strength in a deadlift, whether working a barbell, kettlebell or dumbbell variation.  Building a strong deadlift can make you feel like an effing powerhouse!

One of the most common challenges I see in deadlifting is that folks have difficulty finding a good hip hinge, and sometimes trying to explain it can feel a bit like Moira from Schitt's Creek screaming, "You fold it in, David!" My personal favorite cue for teaching deadlift is to make sure at the bottom of the move that your butthole is pointed to the wall behind you. I love this cue because it is mildly gross, memorable, and effective. Pointing your butthole to the wall behind you ensures that you are initiating the movement by hinging at the hips and NOT by rounding through the low back.

In my early 20s, I was in therapy with a phenomenal therapist who helped me work through a lot of family issues and trauma. I was also struggling with some body image issues. She was an older woman who was fat (this is relevant information to the story). One day in session, I was ranting kind of tearing my body apart, how much I hated it, hated my belly, thought I was fat. She interrupted my body disparaging spiral to tell me that it was pointless to just endlessly rip my body apart, and I either had to work to accept it, or make a choice to do something about it.

I was sort of stunned into silence, and I remember feeling a bit annoyed, like this was my session and if I wanted to use it to bash my body, that she should have some better solution for me other than accept my body or decide to change it.

In hindsight, I really respect her for setting that boundary. It was unfair of me to use a fat woman as the sounding board for my boundless body loathing, whether she was paid for that role or not. I've recently heard Aubrey Gordan (@yrfatfriend on Instagram, cohost of the Maintenance Phase podcast, and author of "What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat") talk on Maintenance Phase about this phenomenon -- thin/smaller bodied people using fat people as a sounding board to resolve their body image issues. It is a weird but common phenomenon, and surely not fair to do to fat people.

I share this to let you know a few things: growth happens. Nobody is perfect, and we all can (and should!) grow and evolve. The other thing I want all of us to learn from this is that you don't need to be the punching bag for someone else's body image issues. It it totally fine to set a boundary that we aren't just going to sit here and listen to a person tear their body apart. Even if you're being paid to be there. There isn't usually really a point to just scorning the shit out of your own body, so if someone comes to you trying to do that, it's okay to say, hey friend, we're not doing that today.

Virtual personal training really took off during the pandemic, for obvious reasons, and while some folks have been eager to get back to in-person training, I still have a number of clients who I work with virtually. Some people are skeptical about working with a trainer by Zoom, but it has been pretty successful for a number of my clients.

Virtual personal training is a great option if you have childcare issues that make getting to a gym challenging. Some of my virtual clients do live sessions with me from their basement or living room early before kids are up. It's an awesome way to get your workout in without having to figure out a babysitter!

It can be really hard to find a personal trainer local to you who you vibe with, especially if you're looking for body positive personal training. We're out here, but there may not be someone local to you who you can work with. If that is the case, virtual personal training is a great option since you can work with a trainer from literally anywhere!

Virtual fitness sessions can also be a cost saver. In some places, in person personal training might cost you well over $100 an hour, but when you can expand your search to include anywhere, the cost can be a lot less. 

You might be worried that working with a virtual personal trainer means you need to buy a ton of equipment for your house. I have some clients who have invested in a few choice pieces of equipment, but I will never tell a client they *have* to buy a thing. Generally, there's a lot you can do with some dumbbells, and maybe some resistance bands! I work with whatever equipment my clients have on hand.

You can get real fitness results working with a personal trainer virtually! A few other perks: you can fart your butt off with no fear, and you don't need to get in your cold ass car on a winter morning! I offer a number of virtual training packages, but one of my favorites is Live Weekly 1:1 Sessions + 4 Weeks of Programming. I love this particular package because you get the benefit and accountability of a weekly live session, plus workouts to follow on your own. You get the most bang for your buck this way, and I get to know you, your body, and your goals, so I can really maximize your programming for you.

I talk about HAES-aligned fitness as a service I provide, but in a conversation with someone who had been looking at my site, they asked, "What is H-A-E-S?" So first, the simple answers! HAES (usually pronounced like haze) stands for Health At Every Size. Please note, it is HEALTH at every size, not healthY at every size. It is an important distinction!

​HAES comes from the book "Health at Every Size" by Lindo (Linda) Bacon. In the book, Dr Bacon summarizes a variety of research to build a case that body weight is less culpable for health issues than has been previously believed. HAES is based on the following principles:

• Weight inclusivity - Respect that bodies are meant to be different sizes and shapes without pathologizing or idealizing certain bodies.
• Respectful care - Work to end anti-fat bias, especially in healthcare, and address other social determinants of health.
• Health enhancement - Improve access to healthcare, as well as increasing access to services that improve health at the individual level.
• Eating for well-being - Eat in a flexible way that is responsive to hunger & satiety cues, nutritional needs, culture and pleasure.
• Life-enhancing movement - Engage in physical activity that enhances your life.

In her book, Dr Bacon describes research they conducted that supports this approach over weight focused approaches to improve overall health, including specific biometric markers of health.  The recommendations that come from HAES are simple, common-sense, and sustainable behavioral changes, and also address some of the systemic issues that clearly impact health.

So what does it mean to be a HAES-aligned personal trainer? As a personal trainer, my goal is to help my clients get into a sustainable movement routine. So let's break that down a bit: I want you moving your body in a way that you can continue to do for a long time. I don't want to kick your ass for a month or two, have you get injured and then drop off. That isn't particularly helpful for your long-term health or wellbeing. I want you to have a movement routine. You get the most benefit from moving your body on a regular basis. Working out to the point of puking once a month isn't going to have that much impact on your long-term health. What is better is to engage in some type of movement a couple of times a week, and find something you can stick with.

As a HAES-aligned fitness provider, I don't weigh my clients. I don't do before-and-after pics. I don't have you measure your body. Of course, it is your body, and you can do whatever you want with it, but I'm not going to suggest that you do any of those things. My focus isn't on making there be less of you! My focus is on a sustainable fitness program that helps you feel stronger, more energetic, and improves your overall health.

If you want to learn more, I definitely recommend checking out the book, "Health at Every Size." If you've read it already, leave me a comment and tell me what you thought about it!